Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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