Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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