I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize