Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
