Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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