And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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