Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
