i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
