Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
