Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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