she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
