You're a womanizer and a bitch.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
