woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
