I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
