Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
