dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
