All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
