my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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