Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
