you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
