I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
