her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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