Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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