i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i believe in u and ur pee
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
