I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
