I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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