I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
