why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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