I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
