Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
its not stalking. its research.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
