I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
