On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
