I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
