You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
