I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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