Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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