clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
