u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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