i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
