There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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