You smell like stripper and shame
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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