Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
