I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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