dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
