hotel room ftw
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
