tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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