I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
