don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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