it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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