does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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