Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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