need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
