Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
