We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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