So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
