I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
