i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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