I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize