she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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