so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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