I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
