Kareoke will never be a sober sport
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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