Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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