don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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