Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
