Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
