it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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