oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
