When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
