this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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