Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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