Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
