Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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