Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
