I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize