And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
