I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
